Wanted down under

I have over the years occasionally managed to watch this offering which forms part of the BBC's daytime schedule. The cynic in me wonders how staged everything is and the human in me wants to throw something at the screen almost every time I watch the program.

The premise underlying the program is to give a family of Brits the opportunity to sample life in Australia or New Zealand over a week and at the end of the week the family makes a decision as to whether they will move. The program, now in its fourth series was first presented by Nadia Sawalha, the grand dame of daytime telly in the UK. The family met in either Australia House or its Kiwi equivalent and were given a choice of lifestyles and a job to go with it. The choice was from city, country and coast. Initially the family chose which avenue they would go down but lately the program makers make the decision.

The family then go and try out the country and lifestyle of their choice. The first trial is to look at property bearing in mind potential available budget from the sale of their UK property. As with any property related items most of these people seem to be able to afford exorbitantly high budgets given their actual jobs. You don't actually need to go Down Under to know that you get more for your money in property terms there. Property prices in the UK are extortionately high for what you get, largely down to the likes of Phil, Kirsty, Lucy and Martin to name but four.

In the UK a house is now seen as an investment rather than a place to live. But this is a topic for another day.

The drawback to Down Under is if you decide to come back to the frozen north. The exchange rate is not great coming back and so unless you are extremely fortunate you will not be able to afford to come back to the 'luxury' you left.

Next is trial by job. Again it is generally well known that pay may not be as good Down Under but that the payoff is in terms of work/life balance. Cost of living for some things is good for some things bad but again ultimately you weigh up the pros and cons of the venture. Lifestyle Down Under is generally better than it is in Britain with a more outdoors focus and sport and encouragement to try things.

Lastly you undergo ordeal by DVD of messages from home from people you only saw a week or so ago. Always there are tears and self interest with parents and friends saying we don't want you to go but it's your life. Almost every program features a stroppy teenager who wanders round being moody and miserable and wants to listen to The Cure in their bedroom for five years.

Is the program bad? No. The problem is the participants who do not appear have spent as much time researching all of this, which they could do without going (except the job obviously), as I do contemplating cutting my toenails (which isn't very much). I have family in New Zealand and I wouldn't dream of making a decision on such a move unless I had spent several weeks out there first. After watching the program I am generally left with the opinion that many of the participants are attention seekers who want a free jolly to Oz or NZ at the licence fee payer's expense.

Films of the week (w/e 27/08/2010)

Well out of the dross I have picked out five of the best offerings available on Freeview in the UK next week.

The Bourne Identity is the film that is credited with helping to save the James Bond franchise (at least until MGM ran out of money). If you have read the book throw it away as it bears little or no resemblance to that. As an all out action film it is terrific the camera work and direction is outstanding and Matt Damon who links to one of our other offerings this week, is excellent as the agent with amnesia. I watched it again recently on DVD and it is well worth it. The supporting cast are excellent (Brian Cox, Clive Owen to name but two). The times are on the side panel of this blog.

Sunday night we have Excalibur. I first saw this film as part of film director Alex Cox's BBC2 series Videodrome I think it was called. It is a British take on the Arthurian legend backed by American money shot in Ireland by John Boorman. At times it is breathtaking in its imagery and its acting. The stand out actors are Nicol Williamson as Merlin and Helen Mirren as Morgana. They were allegedly cast deliberately because they didn't get on following a previous film they had worked on together. Whatever the reason Williamson in particular throws himself into the role with gusto and captures the part bumbling part menacing nature of the magician. Perhaps if the BBC had shown this to the new version cast it might have improved somewhat.

Monday night is Highlander night. I shall declare an interest here. This is in my top two films of all time. I love the notion behind the whole film and frankly I don't care what reviewers say about it. Having held a claymore and exclaimed 'There can be only one' at a museum in the Highlands of Scotland I somehow feel part of it all. This film will not change your life, it will not spiritually uplift you or make you a better person but it is incredibly good fun. Sean Connery and Clancy Brown are brilliant as the mentor and the villain respectively. Also look out for a blink and you'll miss it appearance by Hugh Quarshie and Celia Imrie both of whom have done alright for themselves. The head of the NYPD investigation was in Police Squad the spoof US detective series with Leslie Nielsen and keep expecting him to freeze and everything to carry on around him. Go on and have some fun with this.

On Friday night we have two offerings. Firstly there is Team America: World Police. This little gem is from the team that brought you South Park and is a pastiche of the British series Thunderbirds. If you can't stand South Park then you won't watch this. It is one of those films that you watch and start laughing but then think should I be actually laughing at this. It is outrageously funny in parts and if you do have a sense of irony you will love it. This is the other film with a Matt Damon connection as it features a puppet of him.

Lastly we have Outbreak starring Dustin Hoffman, Rene Russo and Donald Sutherland and Morgan Freeman. It is worth checking this one out as it rises above the usual dross of this type of film. Sutherland is brilliant as a general bent on covering up the outbreak of a virus at any costs. A marked contrast with his role in MASH many years previously.

The end of an era (or should that be error)

A few weeks ago I handed in my resignation in preparation for starting teacher training in a few weeks time. The timing afforded me the opportunity to spend most of the summer holidays with my kids and also to avoid the headache of having to deal with people at year end who patently had no understanding of what it was I did.

I had worked at the university for nearly ten years, the longest I have ever been in one job except for my very first job. This strategy may well turn out to be a bad idea as in twelve months time I might end up being one of the most qualified people in the unemployment queue. In my time I have come up against the entitlement culture and routinely found those that adhered most to it probably had no business being in a university as they weren't academically up to it on the evidence of their applications. They also demonstrated a distinct lack of thought and planning in any aspect of their lives and blithely assumed that just by having a pulse they should be given stuff.

I am going into teaching for a number of reasons. Firstly I think I would be good at it. Secondly I think my maverick attitude is just what the system needs. Thirdly I want to try and do my bit to change the way the kids of the future think and to put my knowledge and experience to good use. If that doesn't happen then I am going to take my qualifications and skills and go and live on a remote island somewhere possibly in a cave as that will be just about all I will be able to afford.

In Britain today, and in fact for generations, there has been a prevailing attitude that knowledge, learning and respect for the law should be scorned. Those who demonstrate these characteristics are ridiculed, bullied and humiliated. Celebrity culture is all that pervades our society and for all their protestations to the contrary many politicians and teachers have helped to foster this. My heart sinks whenever the latest A-Z list celebrity is the top item on the news because quite frankly like the majority of the populace I couldn't give a damn about their lives.

So come the revolution 'celebrities' will be the first against the wall to paraphrase the late great Douglas Adams.

So whilst I am sad to be leaving a job that I enjoyed for the most part and am also concerned that I am leaving behind security I am looking forward to the chance to spread my wings and challenge myself in a new career possibly in a new town so that I can help to give my family a better life.

Lincoln - a retrospective

Yesterday I went to Lincoln with Alison, Jenni and Alison's mum. On the drive over there we were stuck behind a moron in a 4x4 who clearly was using the force to decide what speed at which to drive as clearly they weren't reading the road signs. On arrival in Lincoln I was directed by my mother in law who was shocked to discover that the road to the car park was no longer available. The town planners in Lincoln seem to have outlawed the practice of turning right. When we found a useful left turn in which to turn around and go back to where we needed to be you weren't allowed to turn right out of there either.

The weather was good and eventually we went for lunch at the food court in the Waterside Centre. The food was excellent and the service even better. The waitress dropped one onion ring from a small bowl and brought me an entire extra bowl.

Lincoln is a quaint city with lots of quirky little shops and Steep Hill is appropriately named. On the way back my mother in law's navigating skills left something to desired particularly as we got back to Worksop. The signs said to go right at the roundabout so I moved in to that lane and my mother in law said "Where are you going?" and then criticised me for going round the island to go on the right road.

In other news today is the 30th anniversary of the release of Back In Black by AC/DC. The album, which is now the second biggest selling of all time (behind Thriller by Michael Jackson) was the band's first release since the untimely death of their lead singer Bon Scott. It is widely hailed as one of the best Rock albums of all time.

In other news tonight sees Top Gear and the new version of Sherlock Holmes. Top Gear is irreverent fun. Sherlock is written by the team behind the reboot of Dr Who (Steven Moffat and Mark Gatiss). They have taken the essentials of the original Conan Doyle stories made a few adjustments (telegrams are now text messages or emails) and retold the story in the modern day. All the previews appear favourable. Traditionalists will never be happy but there is no reason why this shouldn't work. Basil Rathbone's Holmes was largely set in the 1930s and 1940s. The problems, for me, with that adaptation were the tinkering with scripts was not appropriate and also the portrayal of Watson was very poor.

One can only hope that in terms of a reboot that this is in the league of Dr Who, Batman (Christopher Nolan and the Tim Burton) and the remake of Day of the Jackal which were faithful to the originals (OK Dr Who is merely a continuation but you get my point) and not like the reboots of King Arthur (Merlin), Robin Hood, Miss Marple (the latest ITV) or The Prisoner.

If a fictional character is well written is perfectly possible to move it in time after all A Fistful of Dollars is a remake of Yojimbo. The Magnificent Seven is a remake of The Seven Samurai (those both turned out alright).

Happy watching.

The Pope's visit to England

His Holiness Pope Benedict is due to visit the UK later this year. As with the previous Pope he appears to be staying away from Northern Ireland. There is a lot of argument over who should be paying for this visit as some taxpayers money is to be used for issues such as security.

Given that the current incumbent of the Holy See has not exactly gone out of his way to make nice with people of other religions and none these costs might be justified. The Pope's actions should also be seen in the light that he was the head of the rebranded inquisition, the Office of the Congregation of the Doctrine of the Faith.

The Bishops of England and Wales have asked the laity to stump up money to pay for the pastoral costs involved. Based on the evidence of the collection at our church this morning the laity aren't too keen on this idea. We live in tough times as we did when the previous pontiff visited these shores in 1982. However, the British arm of the Catholic church is particularly good at not paying a blind bit of notice to what its leaders want just because they ask for something. I was expecting the collection to be low due to the fact that church was barely half full this morning but I wouldn't have been surprised to see a couple of buttons in the plate when I saw how low the congregation is.

Our bishop isn't desperately popular in many parts of the Diocese for a whole variety of reasons. He has only just asked for more money from the laity to get his books straight. If he hadn't invested in the stock market so heavily he might have had more money. In our country asking for money from the congregation never goes down well. Also the laity have a lot of issues with the church hierarchy and the way it runs the church. Also the fact that the Catholic church is worth billions of pounds tends to say to people if you want to put on events you can damn well pay for them.

The Church doesn't appear to learn lessons and seems unwilling to countenance change and so the more socially militant end of the spectrum which encompasses a large proportion of western catholicism (the bit with all the money) refuses to pay. The Reverend Ian Paisley is rumoured to have once sent the collection plate back round one church saying that 'The Lord is not satisfied with your offering'. Unfortunately the clergy here are not as popular as he was with his congregation.

Singing in church

Greetings fellow travellers. This weeks rant is all about singing in church and universality. This morning when we got to church the priest came round and handed out a new version of the Gloria. I say new, I was aware of this version, but it was new to our church. Here in wonderful Cleckhuddersfaxwaite we are in the Diocese of Leeds. The bishop, I make it clear that I am not a fan of his, decreed some years ago that the Mass should be, where possible, entirely sung.

When this decree came round it was greeted with enthusiasm by the priest and deacon at the church which we attended at the time. The Bishop in his infinite wisdom decided to shut that church down and merge it into one of two 'super-parishes'. We went up the valley to the most far flung of the parishes. I was at the time in a state of flux with my faith and was on the verge of becoming a Buddhist. As it stands thanks to the priest at this far flung outpost and the attitude of the congregation there, my departure was somewhat delayed. They held the liturgy, by and large, in the same way that I had grown up with it in the 1970s and 1980s before the rise of the laity and the now ubiquitous folk group with their Czechoslovakian guitars. The liturgy was spoken and was simple.

Unfortunately due to illness, this priest was retired on health grounds and the new parish priest, yes you've guessed the one from the old church, has wasted no time in trying to drag our little corner of the parish kicking and screaming into the new world order as decreed by the bish. The beauty and simplicity of the spoken liturgy when a prayer is said and spoken with meaning has now been replaced by musicians and countless unnecessary variations on a theme.

The move to have the Mass in the vernacular following Vatican 2 meant that now unless you actually spoke the local language you struggle to follow the Mass when you go abroad. It has allowed for folk groups and other such abominations and the Mass is no longer universal and, by definition, neither is the church. Local variations now add to the confusion. In some places where you would stand in others you would kneel.

The Church would do well to consider a reconnection with its liturgical past but unfortunately that would seem to be a case of shutting the stable door after the horse has not only bolted but run out of the yard down the lane and hurdled a couple of fences.

The Catholic church has never had much of a grasp of simplicity and the beauty that comes with it. Why do you need to sing Amen seven times and not mean it when it would be better if you spoke it once and meant it with your whole heart.

In Catholic terms this 'puritanical' approach to liturgy sets me at odds with the majority of the church which is generally anything but. However, if you believe in the rightness of your cause you must stand up for it and rail against 'Colours of Day' and 'Kum Ba Yah' and Taize chants and remind everyone of the simplicity of the fact that your relationship with God is simple and all you need to do is speak with him ( or her) in simple terms and he will understand.

Go forth and find your connection with God and the universe on a simple level and remember most of the rules of the Church were created long after Jesus died and rose again and he didn't get much of a say in them. Also the church is notoriously inconsistent and slow to recognise simple facts.

Goodnight and may your God go with you.

Recent news

Well to those of the family who have asked what the hell has happened since I blogged previously in March here is an up to date edition of the family news.

Thomas is the clubman of the year at his rugby club in the u10 age group. I have subject to final clearance got a place on a PGCE to be a teacher and will be a student again from September. The only worry there is will there be jobs when I come out.

Alison came to a rugby match and didn't implode. Met up with some friends that we hadn't seen for ages.

Been to Edinburgh. Bought a cassette converter which will save me £500. Will be doing some rugby training myself in a couple of months. Carried on doing Marriage Preparation classes.

Jenni has glasses and will possibly be wearing a very fetching eye patch by the end of the week.

Got Skype and know how to use it. Found a new speccy emulator.

New government. Some quarters should see the cuts as an opportunity rather than a problem.

That about covers everything of note.