Travels with Dinno: Aireborough

Greetings fellow travellers. This week's installment takes us up the road to Leeds. Dinno visited Aireborough RUFC. Despite them being relatively local to Huddersfield where I coached and where the boy played our only meeting with them had been at Keighley festival a couple of years ago. For the record Huddersfield won comfortably.

We set off slightly later than planned and the rushed back because I had forgotten to bring the directions. I tend to travel using the force. The dark side is strong within me and I can go somewhere once and more or less find the way there again even if I take a wrong turn.

Aireborough is based in Yeadon which is the next 'town' along from Rawdon where I used to work. For the record I don't much like Leeds as a place and went there very infrequently. As a driver the place is a nightmare as the road signs are terrible. But that is by the by.

We regularly passed the club on our way to Ilkley or Otley. When we arrived we had difficulty finding anywhere to park. We headed towards the clubhouse then up to some rugby pitches where we ran into Kev who said we were on another pitch. We headed over in the direction we had been sent and just about managed to avoid the people doing the orienteering. The pitch we were on was reached by going down a bank with some very dodgy steps carved into it, over a bridge which was slippy beyond belief and up another bank.

The track was saturated and the mud was deep. It felt like some kind of endurance course just to get to the pitch.

The match started and straight away Aireborough put us under pressure. They preferred the kicking game and it seemed to work for them. We had most of the territory, most of the possession and looked more likely to produce something. However, we didn't play with our brains and we lost a game we should have comfortably won. The score finished 5-0 to Aireborough. Our problem was that we kept running into contact when we didn't need to. As a team we need to learn that individuals cannot beat 15 players on their own and the support needs to be better. There is no faulting the effort and work rate of the team at all.

On a slightly irritable note the referee did appear to be a bit of a 'homer'. Three times in the first half he gave Aireborough (he was an Aireborough coach) the put in at scrums which should have gone to Dinno and when a similar thing happened in Aireborough's favour in the second half he made the correct call and gave them the scrum. I don't like criticising refs because they do a hard job and even the top refs make mistakes but such obvious oversights only fosters resentment amongst young players and supporters alike. That being said even if the ref had been from Dinnington it is by no means certain that he would have favoured them over Aireborough.

It is a bit difficult to judge the food on offer as it had taken so long to actually get to the club and with the state of the ground I didn't actually go and get anything to eat until after the match. By that time the bacon was cold but appeared to be well cooked. The players meal was pasta which seemed to go down well by and large.

This weekend we were due to operate a dual site policy with half the players going to Sheffield and the other half back up the M1 to Moortown in Leeds. However, last night Moortown cancelled the fixture and so everybody is now going to Sheffield this weekend.

Wherever you are enjoy your rugby and glory in this marvellous sport which we support week in and week out.

Golf: What is the point?

The title of the this post is probably a little bit disingenuous. That is because I can answer the question from my point of view relatively easily. Many greater experts than I have written about golf in the past and this post is really only about how I enjoy it even with my extremely limited capabilities.

Last week after the ten pin bowling triumph I took my son and his best mate for a round of golf on a pitch and putt course in Mansfield. The King George V course is on Blackscotch Lane in the Berry Hill area of town. It is set in a very tranquil part of town and the course is covered in trees. Wildlife can be seen all over the place. Last week there was an abundance of fungi on every hole. The course is well maintained and the staff there are generally very friendly. The price is pretty good and you can hire clubs should you need them.

The course is generally a benign one. None of the bunkers are too taxing. The rough is sparse and light. If you make a mistake you are never far from being able to get back to where you need to be. It is a good place to learn to play and make mistakes. You can also practice your short game. The greens vary but are generally relatively welcoming.

I enjoy a round of golf. It gets me out walking and in the fresh air. For me golf is not necessarily about beating your golf partners but of challenging yourself and the course. This is not the course I first played golf at. That honour goes to the Grianan Golf Course at Burt in Co Donegal. The picture on the top of this blog is the view from Grianan Castle and the golf course played on the side of the hill leading up to the castle and so the views were equally as good.

When I came back from that holiday I started to go up to Berry Hill to play the course there. It was a half hour walk at most and I would spend an afternoon hitting golf balls around the course which is a par 3 course. My best round was 58. I remember one round where a group of elderly gentlemen were ahead of me and caught them up. The convention in golf is to allow somebody to play through if they are quicker than you. These gentlemen invited me to join them for the rest of the round. Golf is a friendly game when played in the right spirit.

So  last Thursday on a dank overcast Nottinghamshire day I returned to the course after a couple of years away. In fact I have only played golf a couple of times in the last decade. Time, family, finances and all the other pressures of modern life got in the way.

My opponents golfing pedigree was slim. Tom had previously only played on a course at Moville which had some very short holes. His friend had never played. So if we examine the evidence closely:-

• I had played the course many times
• I had had a golf lesson once and so had some technique
• I generally didn't use any club bigger than a 9-iron (except for a couple of holes where I used a 7-iron)
• I can read greens and can get height on my drives

My opponents had some good aspects to their game. I did suggest that they played alternate balls but they didn't take my advice. Matty was the better driver of the ball. They were about even in the middle and Tom was better on the greens.

My son kept asking how did you do that every time a played a half decent shot. As with most sport and most pastimes there is no mystery to how you improve. First you need to get basic techniques right. Then you need to pit yourself against people who are better than you are. That way you can see your improvement.

The final scores weren't close. In matchplay terms I won 6 & 5. However, credit where it is due around the turn the lads won a couple of holes to keep the match alive. In stroke play I was about 30 ahead of my nearest challenger. That being said it was as if I hadn't played for a long time and so I need to get back on the course more often.

So what is the point of golf? Does there need to be one? It is a fun activity. Maybe when I am older I will spend my days on the golf course. The upper body workout I got from the round was great. The walk and fresh air was great. I also enjoy challenging myself. I want to improve how I do on each hole every time I play. That was how I got down to 58 in the first place. I would like to play that well again but it will take time.

Epilepsy and how to survive it

I have written before about the fact that I have epilepsy. I have had it since I was eight years old and will, according to my specialist, have to put up with it until the day I die.  It is one of those much misunderstood conditions that attract fear and misunderstanding.  During my youth the fact that  was 'different' did not help me and because I had no confidence I was an easy target for bullies. Although it has to be said that if I had taken the advice I was given by a friend and just ignored things, that would have all gone away. But as they say hindsight is always 20/20.

My first event happened after playing football. I went into the house of the lady I was staying with that day sat down and as far as I recall went to sleep. I woke up several hours later in the local hospital. That was the Saturday before Remembrance Sunday 1978. I spent the next week being poked and prodded and moved about the East Midlands whilst somebody tried to work out what the problem was. It happened again a couple of years later in the car park of the Emerald Isle club in Mansfield. The trigger this time was probably a video arcade game.

This time the doctors decided I had epilepsy and I was put on Epanutin tablets. I had difficulty swallowing them and so ended up on Epilim syrup. I then spent the next couple of years getting by having occasional attacks. I tend to have tonic clonic seizures. One morning I was at home and a doctor came on to Jimmy Young's Radio programme on Radio2 and began to talk about 'photosensitive epilepsy'. At last I now had a name for my condition. Research had shown that flickering lights, sunlight through the trees, tvs, computers could all trigger attacks. Since that day I have had to manage my lifestyle to accommodate these. Over time and with the improvement in technology I use many of these regularly. I still avoid strobe lighting and this has meant I have missed out on going to gigs by my favourite bands. I didn't go to discos and nightclubs.

After a couple of years I came off the medication and was OK apart from minor seizures 'petit mal'. The thing with epilepsy is that once you have it you are prone to have it again. Another of my triggers is stress and tiredness.

I was in the Lower VIth form and one Sunday night after watching, Cat Ballou (weird how you remember these things) I went to bed but I could not settle and became more and more agitated. An ambulance was called and I was taken to hospital. I had managed to stop one of my attacks but the energy that it had taken had completely exhausted me and I was off school for a week and was back on medication shortly after. I was given a combination of phenytoin and carbamazepine. It didn't stop the attacks and so the dose kept going up.

About this time two things happened which changed my life and also one article in a newspaper. The BBC had a science series called QED. One particular programme was about epilepsy. The first person was a Scottish guy who had epilepsy and was seen at a  swimming pool. He had learned to swim and had told nobody about his condition and had got away with it.  Was what he did the right thing? The answer can only be is that it worked for him. In these more litigious times, it is often safer to be honest. The DVLA once praised me for returning my driving licence following an attack.

The other thing was one of my teachers at school. He had asked my sister where I was following the incident above. When she told him he went away and wrote me a letter. He apologised to me for not spotting the signs earlier and he gave me some sound advice about how to handle the condition. He told me to be careful about who I told, but that it need not stop me achieving my ambitions. Oddly enough that is exactly what it did do, combined with a bit of 18 year old stubbornness but that is another story.

I took his advice. The drugs didn't work, in fact they made things worse and the dosage my doctors had me on nearly killed me. The article followed shortly afterwards and was by Rev Lionel Blue. He said that he treated epilepsy as an unwanted relative that comes around from time to time. All of these things together gave me a sense of perspective about my condition. When I was twenty two, I had my wisdom teeth removed and had an extra dose of my epilepsy medication and ended up flatlining, according to the patients around me in the ward.

Once you learn to embrace your condition, you can handle it. It has given me trouble, heartache and pain in my life. But it has also enhanced my phenomenal memory, taught me how to handle stress and pressure, given me immense powers of focus and concentration.

If you get good healthcare that is an advantage. During my twenty years in Huddersfield I had excellent care from the doctors and staff at the University Health Centre. In other parts of the country the care has been less good. I know that I will have to take sodium valproate for the rest of my life. I know that there is no guarantee that I won't have another fit. I have learned to take each day and each moment as it comes and it is hard work to do that.

Some tips I picked up along the way:-
1. Reduce your caffeine intake - I was always lucky enough to get an aura before my seizures. Unfortunately the buzz from caffeine is a similar sensation and I have had to leave shopping at the till to get home just in case.
2. Alcohol - I don't drink, which is irritating, but I was never a heavy drinker because of the way I had been raised. In the end it isn't worth it.
3. Drugs - what is the point. If you are going to spend your life on the type of drugs you have to take for epilepsy, just what is the bloody point of destroying your mind and body with that sort of crap.
4. Be bloody minded. - People will tell you that you won't be able to do all sorts of things because of your epilepsy. Don't believe them. Find a way to achieve your dreams. Everything that I wanted to try and achieve I have tried. I may not be a high powered lawyer but then I'm not prepared to take the stress levels required to succeed in that profession
5. Find love. Sounds simple I know. My wife learned to put up with many things. Until she met me she had never been in an ambulance. The benefit is that since we have been together my health has stabilised. It took a few months initially but I have, touch wood, not had any problems for 16 years.
6. Believe in something. - This is a personal one. I am not a religious fanatics and every religion has its problems but the fact that I have some belief, cobbled together over many years, helps me.

Lastly learn to recognise and use the benefits that your condition gives you. If you treat it like a burden it will become one. I know many epileptics and have given talks to doctors about how I cope with it. The thing is that it is different for all of us. Epilepsy is a broad 'church' and there are many types of the condition. You just need to find your route through it. You may have one episode and never have another. You may, like me, have it until you shuffle off this mortal coil. Don't ever let it dominate you. Control it and live your life. Embrace your life and make it work for you.

The New Liturgy

About a year ago now the Roman Catholic church introduced a 'New Translation' of the liturgy. For the uninitiated in the dark arts and terminology of Holy Mother Church the liturgy is the prayers that are said by the priest and the congregation during Mass.  It was supposed to be a more accurate translation but still keep with the post Vatican II tradition of Mass in the vernacular.

In the weeks and months leading up to the introduction different churches appeared to handle things differently. My local parish at the time announced the changes in a series of articles explaining what the new language was, how it had changed and how it was better than the language which we had been using for the better part of half a century.  I am not opposed to change by any manner of means. I think change handled well can be good a thing. The problem is that the Catholic Church doesn't change very often and when it does it isn't usually handled very well.

I am old enough to have learned the Latin mass. The parish I grew up in held Latin mass once a week and once a month had a special choir come in to sing the mass. Once a year there was a special Missa Cantata. I loved the Latin but was perfectly content with the Mass in English.  In my youth the mass books had Latin on one side of the page and English on the other. Over time either by rote, by osmosis or in my case by having a  semi-photographic memory I managed to work out how the translations compared. They weren't strict word for word translations but the translation still got the essential meaning behind the original text.

The introduction of the Mass in the vernacular has had an unintended outcome. When the Mass was in Latin it was the same everywhere. No matter where you would go you could understand the Mass. The Second Vatican Council seems to have been taken by many within the church as an excuse to have regional variation. Now for McDonalds that is OK you are simply catering to your clientele. The Catholic Church proclaims itself to be the universal church. This is problematic if Mass is not the same at two churches in the same town let alone between two countries.

The 'New' translation it turns out is not actually new. A friend of mine showed me a missal that had the exact translation in. That missal was 40 or so years old. So the church was being slightly disingenuous.  Another of my friends argues quite rightly that words like 'consubstantial' which replaced the phrase 'of one being' are not exactly vernacular. If you want to move the Mass to a more liturgical translation that is fine but at least be honest and say so. If you want to have the Mass in the vernacular don't use terms like 'consubstantial'. This is an example of the church not handling change well.

A more effective change would have been to stop the obsession with singing everything. Simplify the liturgy. The liturgy is a thing of beauty and the words are powerful and have meaning. The problem is that we rarely focus on what we are saying. I question the point of singing 'Amen' 8-times. It is better, surely, to say it once with feeling and mean it than gabble it.  The church has forgotten this one simple truth at the expense of giving work to musicians, and in many cases I use the term loosely.

It will probably take the church another 50 years to realise that this was a mistake and it will then go about irritating already dwindling congregations by changing it back again. The only winners will be the publishers of missals.

Ten pin bowling with the brood

We are currently playing host to my son's best friend from Huddersfield, Matty.  They have known each other since the first day of primary school and are still best friends.  They share an interest in rugby and until April of this year they played for the same team, Huddersfield RUFC in the u12s.   They were never in the same class at school and then went to different secondary schools. Then when we moved to Worksop this year Tom left the area completely. They have remained friends and through the miracles of texting and Skype they have kept in touch. They rib each other about how bad their respective rugby league teams are doing.  The friendship is strong.

When it was arranged that Matty was coming to stay with us I was keen that they didn't spend all their time sitting on laptops playing Football Manager. This morning we went over to the ten pin bowling alley in Mansfield. The drive through the fog was an experience  but we arrived unscathed.

We purchased 2 games of bowling and drinks and set about playing. The first game was not the highest scoring game ever seen. Matty was OK, Tom was dreadful and Jenni was lucky. I started slowly and it was a close run thing until the last round. Matty was ahead after his final bowl and then Tom piped 'You've lost dad because you won't get a strike or a spare in this round!' On my performance at that stage this would appear to have been a fairly good judgment. However, it overlooked a number of factors. Of the four of us I was the most consistent. I had the best technique of the four of us and I wasn't using the bumpers like the others. I promptly hit the spare with the last bowl and then with the bonus throw overtook Matty. The atmosphere was not good.

Matty complained that as the guest I should have let him win. I advised him that winning that way is the worst kind of winning. If he was going to wn then he should do it on his merits. I went to collect the drinks and whilst I was away the lads insisted that Jenni should aim her own ramp as she had beaten Tom in the first game.  The game started with Jenni bringing up the rear after the first few rounds. Matty was again out in front but Tom was starting to find technique, or what passed for it in his case. At the start of round three Matty and Tom then announced you have no chance of winning this game as you are so far behind.

For two supposedly intelligent kids they really can be dumb on a grand scale. I have epilepsy and all my life people have been telling me that I can't or shouldn't do things. Now some of these things I take heed of. I don't drink, I don't take drugs and I avoid flashing lights wherever possible. These changes have been necessary for me to manage my condition effectively and this I have done for the last sixteen years. However, the thing with epilepsy is that like most conditions there are compensations. I have immense powers of concentration and focus. My short term memory is going a bit but my long term memory is phenomenal. I am available for pub quiz teams at reasonable rates. The other thing the condition gives me is the ability and determination to prove people wrong.

I have been told the following ( not all in relation to epilepsy):-

1. In all likelihood you will never drive - I am a reasonably good driver and have held a licence for thirteen years
2. I was never allowed to swim at school  - I learned to swim in my 30s and am OK within my depth
3. Some people suggested that I probably wouldn't marry and have kids because they wouldn't be able to cope - I am very happily married and have two wonderful kids
4. You won't ever get a job in the legal profession aged 18 with no qualifications - I got one within a couple of weeks and held it for four years and am partly qualified as a lawyer.
5. You will never be able to give up chocolate for a year - My son said this to me, I gave it up for a year. So you would have thought he would have learned not to make challenges to me by now.

So taking all of the above into consideration a couple of kids telling me I am not going to win 3 rounds into a game is hardly going to phase me. 

I quickly got into my stride with 5 strikes and and a spare in the next 6 rounds. My score at the end was double their combined scores. This was after not having bowled for 3 years. I am planning on taking them for a round of golf later this week at a golf course which I used to play several times a week and which I played a couple of years ago.  I am no great shakes as a golfer as my friends Emmett and Mark would testify but I would guess that I will comfortably beat these two.

Travels with Dinno: Back Home Again

It was a cold sharp but bright and sunny morning as we set off to Dinnington for this week's festivities. We were to play in a 5 team round robin tournament against teams from Ashfield, Wath and Barnsley. Dinno were split into two teams and were wearing black armbands in memory of a former player, supporter and coach at the club Rob Hurdley. Before the match began all the teams lined up on the first team pitch and observed a minutes silence, The only sounds that could be heard during the minute was the tweeting of the birds and the sound of cars in the distance. All the teams were a credit to their clubs and to the game of rugby.

Reporting duties were split between myself and Pete whose son, Brendan is in the development team with my boy. We looked at the fixture list and worked out that the first couple of matches were OK as there was only ever one Dinnington team on at a time. The last scheduled game was the two Dinno teams against each other. So only for two rounds of matches would we have to split up to cover the game.

First up was Dinno's first team against Barnsley. This was something of a mismatch. Early in the game our flanker, Rupert got over to score and then it might have been Kai who converted to give us a 7-0 lead. The reason for the uncertainty is that just before the match a mist came over the pitches and a hazy sun ttried to break through. So in the stygian gloom it was a little difficult to see who was actually doing anything. Shortly afterwards Sam, who was playing at scrum half scored another try and following a missed conversion Dinno led 12-0 at half time. In the second half the team ran riot. Kai ran over for a try shortly followed by another for Elliott 22-0. Kai scored another with a conversion by Jake who as the morning progressed showed that he was a pretty good place kicker. 29-0. Centre Harry ran over for another. If he could add passing to his game he would be brilliant. 34-0 . At the end Adam ran over for another score which was converted. Final Score 41-0.

On the other pitch Ashfield beat Wath 14-7. Apparently the boy who played at flanker helped set up a try.

My next match was Dinno development v Ashfield. The Dinno first team supplied the extra players. The morning was planned as a chance for everybody to get plenty of game time and to help develop confidence among the development players. It backfired in this match. Ashfield scored 5 tries 4 of which were scored by Dinnington players and their confidence was gone. There were some good things but the damage was done. Final score 29-0 to Ashfield. On the other pitch Wath beat Barnsley 29-0.

My boy had aggravated an injury sustained running cross country at school. He was unable to play in the development team's next game against Wath. Wath were convincing 31-0 winners. The second half display by the development team was good and for most of the half they contained Wath but they were playing without confidence. One of Wath's tries was controversial. Their smallest player was tackled. He did not release the ball on the ground there followed a ruck and general melee and out of the side emerged the same player with the ball who played it off the floor and Wath scored. The first team beat Ashfield 44-0.

I then went to cover the first team versus Wath. This was a tightly fought affair but Dinno always looked the more likely winners. Wath were tough players but they were unable to cope with the aggression and the expansive play shown by our team. Jacob scored a try but missed a conversion. There was a heated debate as to whether or not he had been held in the tackle or not. The referee awarded the try end of debate. 5-0. Shortly afterwards Rupert ran over for another try and Jake converted the try 12-0. Connor added a third try under the posts on half time and it was not converted 17-0.  Just after the break Wath got a try and brought the score back to 17-7. Jake scored another try and added an excellent conversion which hit the bar and bounced over. 24-7. Kai  added a final try in the mist and Jake added the points. Final score 31-7. On the other pitch Dinno Development lost to Barnsley 33-12.  After what had been a torrid morning. some pride was restored. 

It was decided not to play the final round of games as time was dragging on and Dinnington play each other every Wednesday in training. The morning probably did not achieve what it was designed to but much rugby was played and lots of commitment was shown by all players. The winner was rugby.

Travels with Dinno Yorkshire Cup edition: Hull Ionians

Apologies for the delay in posting this week but things to do places to be in my ever exciting life.  Last Sunday morning Dinno took on Hull Ionians in the first round of the U13 Yorkshire Cup.  The draw for the cup was intriguing as there were seventeen ties so at some point  there has to be a play off between two teams to get the numbers down. However, since that is a logical way to do things it is unlikely to happen.

The boy had not been picked in the first team but on my insistence had got his kit ready and was going up to support his teammates.  I then turned my mobile phone on at about 8.30 to see a flood of texts and voicemails from the coach. I rang back and spoke to Tracey who is Dave's wife and she said that two players had been injured the day before and would Thomas be able to play. I got Tom to change into his match gear and we set off on a bright autumnal morning heading towards Hull.

The traffic was light and we arrived in good time. This time we actually managed to find the club by using the directions rather than using the force which we did the last time we went there a couple of years ago with Huddersfield.  The ground is set in rolling countryside and the clubhouse at Brantingham Park includes a fitness centre.

After the usual pleasantries I went with my namesake, Jonathan and a guy named Phil to go and sample the delights of the cuisine on offer in the clubhouse. I had my usual, bacon sandwich and hot chocolate.

The bacon was OK but could have done with being cooked a bit more. The hot chocolate came with optional marshmallows. You will be very proud to hear that I resisted this temptation.

We returned to the pitch for the start of the game. Just as we reached the pitch the Hull team all trooped off to the changing rooms. As our coach put it 'Mind games won't help them.' The referee appeared and called the teams in. Unfortunately Hull had not reappeared at the appointed time. There were some anxious looks from the Hull contingent and the referee kept glancing at his watch. At one point there was a possibility that Hull could have lost there own home fixture because they weren't ready on time.  Hull eventually appeared and the game started.

Dinno have a tendency of not playing for 80 minutes. They will sometimes have a very strong first half or a strong second half but rarely both. This is partly down to making substitutions which affects the flow but which is also necessary for the development of the squad.  We got out of the traps very quickly. After a strong passage of play our winger Adam cut inside and went over for a try. Ben then converted the kick. a few moments later Rupert, a flanker burst through and went over for a second try. The conversion did not follow but within ten minutes we were 12-0 up. After some good defensive work from a lineout the ball got into the backs and the ball came out to Jacob who went over for a try which was converted 19-0. That was the half time score.

At the start of the second half we won a penalty. Rupert sold a dummy  and ran in under the sticks 26-0. Hull came back through their number 7 with a try and a conversion 26-7. From a scrum our scrum half Kai drove over the line. By this time we had lost our kicker Ben to injury and so the score moved to 31-7. The Hull team then came back with two tries but I am still not sure if they even attempted conversions or not. The match finished 31-17.

The boy was disappointed because he was on for 10 minutes hardly saw the ball and was substituted.

In the next round we face Morley. It will be a tough match but if we can neutralise their star player we should make it.  Next week we are at home in a 4 team something or other with Ashfield, Wath and Barnsley.

TV Books and films of the week

I haven't updated this article for a couple of weeks. Since I last wrote to of my favourite programmes have returned to the screen. Both feature intelligent, good looking women with attitude. The first is Only Connect. The program is an intellectual quiz and shows on BBC Four. This channel is worth the licence fee alone. It is presented by the delightful Victoria Coren. The format is fairly simple. There are four rounds:- The connections round, what is the last in the sequence, the wall and the missing vowels round. This is no average quiz. The winners are usually capable of beating mastermind champions, University Challenge winning teams. It requires the ability to think laterally and I cannot recommend it highly enough.

Those who know me will be able to tell you that in relation to the kitchen I do have other gods before me. I enjoy cooking when I am in the mood and tend towards using the force. I don't measure stuff. I was taught this by my parents who were taught it by their parents.  I am definitely a cook not a chef. Whilst I enjoy Masterchef I think it is all a bit poncy. I like to have a plate of food and to be full after eating. I do not like plate decoration. My other gods or in fact goddesses are called Delia and Nigella. However, my allegiance is to Nigella. A friend once described her programs as 'food porn' and she has even been impersonated along those lines by a number of heretic comedians. What is it I like about Nigella? She is intelligent. She is gorgeous, curvy and the way she licks her lips or licks her fingers after eating is frankly indecent. The bottom line though is the food and it is gorgeous. I have all her books and they are well thumbed tomes. I am looking forward to when I get my hands on her...new book.

In terms of books I am in the middle of reading Bernard Cornwell's Alfred series following the exploits of Uhtred of Bebbanburg. Cornwell is easy to read. I don't like having to work to get my pleasure when reading and I think literary fiction to be as bad as the Turner Prize. I have never read one of these sort of books and been satisfied. I am currently in book three, The Lords of the North. In and amongst finishing The Last Kingdom and The Pale Horseman I also read the novel on which the film Let The Right One In was based. The cover proclaimed that the novel was worthy of Stephen King. Maybe during the phase when he wrote The Tommyknockers. Whilst I was initially interested in the story I found myself gradually being left with a sense of disappointment. I no longer cared about who lived or died. I was also unsure of who all the characters were. It was all a bit unsatisfactory.

In terms of films I have been watching some have been good, some have been interesting and some have been so bad they were good. Last weekend I watched The Fifth Element and Serenity. I also watched Fantastic Four Rise of the Silver Surfer. The Fantastic Four Rise was an improvement on the original FF film. Well that is not a particularly hard task. It is a diverting film but no more than that. Chris Evans, who plays the Human Torch, has since gone on to play Captain America. The Fifth Element is Luc Besson's Sci Fi film. Besson seems to be a bit like the late Stanley Kubrick. Kubrick made genre films such as The Shining and 2001. Once he had ticked off a genre he went onto something new. Besson is similar. He made Leon which was a work of brilliance. The Fifth Element is his sci-fi film. It features Mila Jovovich, Bruce Willis and Gary Oldman. The plot is a little weird but show me a sci fi film where it isn't. Oldman gives an incredible performance as the slightly deranged arms dealing servant of the dark powers. The supporting cast is brilliant apart from Chris Rock who is even more irritating than normal.  The other film was Serenity. A western in space. This film is an underrated masterpiece. Joss Whedon did a reverse Buffy with this one. When he made the film Buffy the Vampire Slayer it bombed so he made a series. The series went on too long in my opinion. the last series of Buffy featured Nathan Fillion. Whedon cast him in his new series Firefly which was cancelled by the network so Whedon made Serenity. The film has good and evil but they are blurred. The action sequences are stunning and Chiwetel Ejiofor as a government assassin is brilliant. The ideas in the film are intriguing and interesting and this film along with The Fifth Element comes with a high recommendation.

In the last couple of days I have started something of a Clint Eastwood fest. It started with Firefox. Not one of his greatest performances and not a particularly good film. Lots of British actors doing fairly ropey Russian accents. The special effects which in the 1980s were quite good do not stand up well against today's effects. The book on which it is based is by Craig Thomas and is well worth a read.  I have just started into the Dollar Western Trilogy - A Fistful of Dollars, For A Few Dollars More and The Good The Bad and The Ugly. All are worth watching but the best by some distance is The Good The Bad and The Ugly.

Eastwood is at his best in these films and laid the groundwork for his later masterpieces The Outlaw Josey Wales and Unforgiven. The score is memorable and with able support from Lee Van Cleef, Gian Maria Volonte and Eli Wallach these are amongst the best westerns ever made.

Happy media watching I feel some cheesecake coming on.

Being Goosed ... Or should that be Fleeced in Nottingham

A couple of weeks ago we started to see flyers advertising the annual Goose Fair. This is a fair which was established around 1284 so it can be said to be well established in the calendar.  In its history it has been cancelled due to bubonic plague, war (WW1 and II to be precise) and their have been deaths at the fair in fairly recent history due to gang violence. The fair only appears to be missing Famine and then it will be associated with all four horsemen apocalypse.

I grew up in Mansfield about 14 miles from the fair and managed to never go. I am not sure why this was exactly but I don't recall ever having a huge desire to go anyway. There were very good reasons why I couldn't go. All this is by the by. My daughter expressed a desire to go. She has never been to a fair that I can recall and so why not start at the biggest one going.

We took the train from Worksop to Nottingham. Passing through such hotspots as Langwith-Whaley Thorns and Shirebrook along the way. You probably just had to be there. We hopped on to a tram at Nottingham station and went to The Forest which is where the fair has been held since 1928. Prior to this it was held in the Old Market Square. The trams are excellent and quick and efficient. In recent months I have been using trams in Sheffield on most days to get to work and it makes you wonder why some idiot got rid of them in the first place.

The fair is an explosion of gaudy flashing lights, unhealthy food and gullible idiots paying over the odds for tat.  It is possibly a microcosm for today's society packed into one small area.  My daughter got some candy floss and we walked around trying to decide where we would consent to get fleeced. We eventually found a bungee trampoline which my daughter thoroughly enjoyed.

I then said something which I deeply regret. 'Jenni would you like to go on the big wheel?' I though it would be OK it is not fast, it doesn't have flashing lights how bad could it be? We got into our metal cage and set off rising above the Nottingham skyline. The view might well be wonderful but I was in the process of crushing the metal bars in sheer terror.

I don't like heights but out of a parental wish to make my child happy I put myself through the terror. There is a self help book called Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway. The author is an idiot. I spent five minutes of terror whilst my daughter smiled, laughed and tried to get me to look around. Then to cap it all off somebody stopped the cage at the top. We were hanging there forever and there was a breeze rocking the cage. It was then that my eye was drawn to the signs of wear and tear and to the natural sense of panic to which I feel I am perfectly entitled.

Will I go back? Probably not. It is very much a case of been there done that. The Goose Fair is just a steroid pumped version of smaller fairs.

Travels with Dinno - Dinnington

On a glorious warm summer morning with the sun breaking through the clouds we set off for our first home match of the season. Most of the team's matches are away this year so it is nice to have a home game.  As I write this I am sitting on a bench looking across the first team pitch. I have just eaten a very tasty bacon sandwich and am sipping at my hot chocolate.  There are clouds of water vapour rising from cooling towers in the distance and there are farmers at work in the fields surrounding the club.

The more observant amongst you will notice that the accompanying picture is not of today's glorious scene. The reason for this is that my camera broke yesterday and I can't get the photos from my phone because I do not have the right type of memory card and so I am improvising. Hopefully you get the picture anyway.  So back to the glorious day that has enfolded before my eyes.

Today's visitors are Selby. They have a strong reputation. The last time we, Tom and I, came across them was in the Under 7s where they beat us in the final of our own tournament at Huddersfield.  Nobody was under any illusions that this would be a tough test ahead of our Yorkshire Cup match against Hull Ionians next week.

The match started and Dinno got the bounce of the ball and it came back to them from the kick off. They attacked but were taken into touch. Selby were penalised for not throwing a straight lineout and we took a scrum. Our scrum half, Kai, is something of a magician. He moved the ball out from the base of the scrum and the forwards advanced. The ball was popped up to Kai who dived over for a try. Then came the conversion. Ben struck the ball confidently and everything seemed to be going well until the ball hit the right hand upright. 5-0 Dinno.

Unfortunately the team went to sleep and Selby went straight up the other end and under the posts. Dinno 5 - Selby 7.  That was how the score stayed. Both teams were well matched and the general assessment from both sets of supporters  was that it was an excellent game of rugby and will help both teams for the struggles ahead. The boy came on as a second half sub and had an OK game.

The only downside was the attack of the flying spiders.  Dinnington is a nice little rugby club and we have been made to feel welcome from day one. So if you are ever down here call in and say hello.

Next week Travels with Dinno goes to Hull and back.