The Joys of Travel

Many years ago there was an advertising campaign which said, if I recall correctly, 'Let the train take the strain'. Well if my trip last weekend was anything to go by I'd really rather not thank you very much.

In fact the weekend was a contrast of two train companies. My trip north was on Virgin Cross Country (amongst others). I happen to like Virgin Trains and would recommend them to anybody because the trains are modern-ish, the staff generally helpful and the journey usually relatively benign. Virgin were not helped on Friday night that their staff on the train I caught had failed to take action against the morons who had stuck their cases and luggage where they shouldn't. There was nearly a chance of us not getting on the train and the staff at Leeds Station didn't seem to care. More worrying than this was the possibility that my nine year old son might have been separated because of this crush. If that had happened I would have taken somebody's head off.

The journey was uneventful, however it felt like I was in an oven. Train carriages are airless places and I hate long journeys. Added to that the cost involved. Whatever politicians and train companies might say we are being overcharged for what we get which is generally poor service, lousy food, long journeys and staff who really don't give a monkeys about customers. The trains don't run on time. In my opinion the train fares should be coming down until we get a decent level of service.

The journey on Scotrail was pure comedy gold and I will be writing my first novel based on that short trip. If the intelligence services have trained artists as interrogators then god help us all. It was like watching a trained interrogator prise information out of their subject whilst given nothing away themselves. And as for the man with his ipod who appeared to be on another planet based on the gyrations he was making well...

But Virgin are almost at Japan-like levels of customer service compared to National Express who are really GNER by another name. In fact one member of staff was still carrying his GNER bag. He will clearly have to be sent to the salt mines for reeducation. A trip from Edinburgh - York which should take under three hours took the better part of 4 as we went South West and then back South East going to Newcastle via Carlisle. A man with his guide dog and a route map could have got there quicker.

As a taxpayer I feel that I am entitled to expect a good level of service, trains that run on time and reasonable fares. When cheap fares are advertised they are never actually available. Ladies and gentlemen we are being conned by the Government and businesses.

Off to design my own Maglev.